After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize