yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
