I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize