hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
