i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
