But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
