sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
