we're blogging at a bar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
