dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
