Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
