lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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