those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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