Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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