she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize