Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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