"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the jesus of drinking
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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