Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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