That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
