Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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