Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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