She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize