You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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