Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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