you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
