Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
