I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
