In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
