he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
