he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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