I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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