ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
