I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
