Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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