Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
tell me about the fingering
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