Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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