I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
