In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
