At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
