Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You don't make any sense
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