I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
