pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
