i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
