I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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