and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
