are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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