Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
