also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
