My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
