she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Are we still banned from the library?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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