I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hippo gnu deer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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