We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want to fling myself into the sun
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
