are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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