omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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