4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
not ubering you a puppy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
