So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
