I want to walk on stilts...naked
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
