Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
