So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
