I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
