I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
someone owes me an orgasm
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
