a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize