loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
