im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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