i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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