shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
