Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
