From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
