you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
