somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
