I cockslap morals
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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