who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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