well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
