these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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