Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
