sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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