is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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