you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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