I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
